Attribute #1

1. “Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal is.”

Now that I am a mother and wife, this attribute has become more and more evident. I don’t remember specifically feeling this way as a child. I knew that my family was very different from my friends’ families, but I never felt like I was guessing at what normal is. Now I very much feel like I am just a big faker – I have no freaking clue if my life, feelings, or  behaviors are “normal”. 

  • “They get concerned and confused about things that they believe other people do not get concerned and confused about.”

I look at other people and how they respond to certain situations, and I am baffled by their responses! When you add in a huge dose of co-dependency, things become even more muddled. I worry every day about things that other people don’t even register as things to worry about. My anxiety levels are often out of control. An example of this would be how clean my house is. I have no pictures on my walls, or paint, or matching furniture and cute knick-knacks – and all these little details make me wonder what is wrong with me: Why can’t I put my house together? It’s not “normal” to live this way. How is this going to mess up my kids? What does this say about me as a woman? I think most people would just give themselves a break – after all, if they can’t afford paint, or furniture, or cute knick-knacks, then they shrug and know they will buy them when they can afford them. For me, even something as small as the state of my house becomes a problem of epic proportions, and a judgement on my worthiness as a person.

How about parenting? It is isn’t like I grew up in a home where there was time for crafts, fun projects, outings, etc. and even when those things happened, it always felt a little forced – like we were all pretending really, really hard that we were just like everyone else. Normal at our house was one extreme or another – and you just never knew what the emotional climate of our house would be. I don’t know how day to day life as a parent is supposed to work, or what it looks like.

I;m sorry this post is so disjointed – just not feeling it tonight…might put some more time in tomorrow on this issue.  🙂

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